For the past eleven months, I’ve been on a small photography journey. I’ve been documenting the day to day life of my son Elijah, and consequently, loving every minute of it. But I have to be honest. It’s hard. A lot of work! And it’s long, late nights of sorting the many photos of our day and writing down the memories and moments we’ve shared together. Some nights I write small novels. Other nights, I just say a few words that are haphazardly linked together. And yet…it’s been worth every second looking back. I’ve had numerous inquiries about these photos and quite a few people adding me on Facebook just to see them…and while it probably would have been more advantageous to just publicly post them to my blog, I really had no idea anyone would be interested in seeing them besides the “grandparents.” =) My original goal was one year of his life. But that day is quickly approaching. I remember longing to say “Phew. Done. I did it!!”, but now I just don’t know that I will. He’s taught me SO much about life and he’s helped me to slow down, take it in, and become overly present in life more and more every day.

So…here are some of my favorites for now. You can subscribe, share, or just simply oogle over the cuteness which is my son. I mean, I’m a bit partial, but let’s face it, he’s cute. 😉 For those of you who have continued to write me during the process, THANK YOU! I love hearing from you and I love your support as I make my way through this crazy, still-new part of my life; but the thing that melts me most are YOUR stories. Hearing about how your mother did something similar, you wish your father had done that too, or the time you’d had the exact same moment in your life, but had forgotten until now gives me energy. I love the commonality in our lives. We are all children of someone. We all have mothers, whether they’re awesome or just mediocre. And we have all been loved by, and have loved, someone at one time or another. I adore the fact that whether we are young or old, rich or poor, pretty or plain, successful or barely scratching the surface, we can all say the same thing every once in awhile: “Me too.”  I’m feeling an Amen?!  😉

As I near this one year mark, I might post once a week on here with a compiling of images and stories, or I might just do one image here and there. We’ll see how it goes. …I just want to say “thank you” for peering into our lives and sharing in my joy during this crazy journey of motherhood. 😉  *squeeze*

Tractor toy on the ground. Tractor picture on your shirt. Tractor boots on your feet. Diagnosis: Tractor Fever.

“Eeeddee…Staaaaaaaay!” –We have really been blessed with these pups. They have been so good with you…so gentle and so attentive to all you’re commands. I really didn’t trust them the first few weeks after we’d brought you home and I had serious doubts that we could all be a family. But to their credit, they calmed down and settled into their regular routine. They’ve loved you like “one of the pack” and the bond you three have kills me. Even I don’t hand-feed Lexie, but for whatever reason, she’s WAY kinder with you. While you only know Eddie’s name at the moment, and, subsequently call every single dog you see an “Eddie,” I’m just as excited as Lexie for you to finally say her name. We’ve been working on it, but for now, it’s a bit like “Edd-See?” 

This is what your eyes said: Mama, it’s just one cookie with my milk. That’s okay right? This is what my eyes said: Um…not so much, love. =’)

It just occurred to me this afternoon that one day, you’ll have to go to school. And your fascination with school-buses and all things big and noisy will be gone. As will you…even though just for the day, this isn’t something I’m all that thrilled with. At least not right now. I’m still loving our long days together. Our mornings where you literally scream because you’re so excited to eat blueberries with me. Our treks through the field to find the last bit of snow to play in. And your long, snugly naps in the afternoon where you curl up with Howie and lazily ready books when you wake. Today, you watched those school-buses drive by in awe and you yelled at them and pointed to show me. There must have been twenty that passed us today and you didn’t stop watching until the last one went over the hill. I love your sweet innocence and your excitement about all things simple in life. I mean, I can’t tell you the last time I was entertained by watching traffic pass by. Well…except for today, that is.

It was entirely my fault and I had no idea you’d react. Most of me still thinks “you’re a baby.” But every morning you wake up so much more aware of life. How is it that yesterday, you couldn’t point to your eyes if I asked you and then this morning, you acted like you’ve always known–and pointed to your eyes with the sweetest little smile? That’s another one we’re working on. You have your “mad face” down, but I want you to show me your “sweet smile” on command. I was pretty sure we’d almost had it mastered today and my camera was in-hand and ready…but then I asked you about your Tweety sticker. I was referring to the Tweety-Bird band-aid you have on your chubby little thigh. Yesterday you were given two vaccines and it was a bit of a struggle for you. More so than normal. We had a new Dr., whom, you made very clear you weren’t fond of. For the first time ever, we struggled to get you to hold still for a check-up. And when she poked you, without a doubt, you were convinced she wasn’t any good. When I asked you if the Tweety was still “ouchie” you looked at it as if seeing it for the first time. But it brought back all of yesterday’s memories and your face sank. Your eyes welled up and your eyelids turned strawberry pink. You pointed to it and instantly started crying. I felt so terrible. Ten seconds before and you were fine. You hadn’t even noticed you had a Tweety on your leg! But asking you was enough to jaunt your memory and this, to me, is almost unbelievable. How smart you are! And brave! I tried my best to reassure you that it was only a sticker. That the mark it left would go away and it would be a long time before you had to have a poke again. Finally, you ripped it off with a vengeance and threw it. I was careful to watch where it landed as I held you. Because, little do you know, I save all those Tweeties. I have since your very first one. I know it’s crazy, but I have a hard time letting these special little moments of yours go… They’re all gone so fast.

A good friend of mine told me not to miss snorkeling in Maui because, in her words, “the most beautiful part of Hawaii is underneath the warm water.” She may have been right because under all that turquoise is a plethora of gorgeous coral colors with fishies and turtles that swim in packs all around you. But even though you are still way too young to snorkel with us, nothing seemed funnier than seeing Daddy and I wear those silly goggles and fins. Wait, no…seeing you wear them is the funniest. 

Sometimes when all I feel is love, I cannot say it in any other way. There is no way to make it more eloquent. It just is. And we just are.

When life gives you lemons…devour them like mad. Laugh until it hurts. Then ask for more.

I often think about how awesome you are and just what you’ll be like when you’re older…because you spend so much of your time with Daddy and I…and while I’m not a girly girl, you are around me all the time when I’m putting on makeup, doing my hair, or posing girls at a photo-shoot. But since we own a tree nursery, we are out in the dust. The mud. The baking sun. And let’s face it, most of this industry is full of boys—a man’s world. You are juxtaposed on a daily basis to all things lovely and pretty and then all things dirty and tough. Two days ago, you hung on my leg at a photography workshop while I shot pictures of models. Today, you romped the dust-filled dirty paths of our nursery and turned the undersides of your fingernails black! I can’t imagine a better life…but I do think about how fun it will be to tell our friends all the things you’ve learned because of what you do with us in your day-to-day life. During the hours before your nap this afternoon, we made the rounds today for hours in the sun. You fought me a little on having to wear a big boy’s hat, but your little head was frying so guess who won that battle? Once it was on though, we went everywhere. You helped Daddy prune some of our new shrubs. You helped Papa talk to some customers and point out trees. You helped Erney roll up our freeze-cloths, which was just like how we did our bedsheets from the dryer this morning so I could tell you were trying to show him you really did KNOW how to do it.  Then we hunted down the sounds of a chain-saw to find Uncle Grant organizing and stacking our stockpile for tree coasters. I might have taken a hundred photos of you “helping” him. You wanted him to run the chain saw, but then you’d cry and run to me so you could bury your face in my arms. Then he’d turn it off and you’d look up at me, giggle, and say “Again!” And then you’d cry once more when he pulled the chain. It was hard not to laugh because none of it made sense. But he kept on working and you kept on crying, then chuckling, then asking to see it all again. All I could think about was how you were such a boy! You helped him stack a few of the logs, but we couldn’t stay much long…because by then, it was lunch time. And then time for snuggling your sweet, little stuffed doggie. Just before a few Eskimo kisses. And I love yous. As you fell asleep to the sound of rain, all cozy in your teal-colored sleeping-gown… My love, a boy’s boy or a mama’s boy, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And there is little better in this world.

This is us…trying to find a bright spot in an otherwise, overly upsetting checkup. You are healthy. And as perfect as a peach; but for whatever reason, did not fair well with our new doctor. You cried and cried until you couldn’t catch your breath, buried your face in my neck and kicked your feet with all your might. We watched your cheeks turn every shade of red imaginable until we worried you’d get a fever and she had us hold you down just to get a look at you.  But just so that you couldn’t see our sadness too, and when she had left, Daddy and I sung softly to you a favorite:“Old MacDonald.” And we did every animal and their accompanied sound under-the-sun: cows, chickens, cats, dogs, owls, bears, birds, snakes, and even a crab. ♪ With a pinch pinch here and a pinch pinch there… ♫ Finally, you cracked a smile. And while I promise to try and find another doctor who suits all three of us just a little better, I am happy, for now, that an old farmer’s song and a warm, Mommy-hug was all you needed to find your happy again. =’)

Because I’m leaving tomorrow morning before you wake and because I will miss spending Easter with you, I took you outside in the sunshine for a little egg-hunt. This was the face you gave me when you saw the basket of eggs I was about to hide.  Your little hands clutched your chest in excitement and your eyes sung a happy song. I definitely have never thought of this before, but Easter is way more fun with you around. Trust me, Daddy never got this excited to collect eggs with me. 

Papa always has the best games!

We’re taking care of one of great-grandpa’s bunnies this month, so today I let you help me with the day-to-day duties. Last year, we housed Cherry for a few months, but you were too little to remember. Now you’re big and strong. So we got to it! Since it was so warm outside today, I cleaned out our new friend’s home, and let you help me give her fresh water. But you were so excited about the fact that there was actual water inside the can (it’s true, I always make you stop playing in the dog’s water bowls!), that you completely lost interest in anything bunny related. You carried your water-can all over our yard and did a great job emptying it all by yourself—albeit most of it covered your shirt—but you were really efficient nonetheless.  And I suppose fluffy little Lily didn’t mind one bit. Let’s just be honest, I think she’s still a bit intimidated by your over-the-top-cuteness.

I melt when I look at this. The way you love life so much that the smallest of things makes you happy. Squawking at the drills and toolbox of dads made me smile. But when you pulled out a zip-tie and did a sword fight with daddy, all three of us laughed so hard we had tears. Real, flowing tears. The things you find amusing change on a weekly basis. I am sure that by this time next week, zip-tie sword fighting won’t even be worth your glance. But dad and I are learning to play these games until your belly bares no more sound. Because then, at least, we can say we reveled in these moments.

Happy Halloween my little ELIon!! We took you to the Zoo today for the first time. And I’ll be honest, you stole the show! Even the lions were jealous of you and your RAWR! Daddy and I saw them bowing in shame. But you charged on! Well, until nap-time that is…

Birds of a feather…

It just wouldn’t be Christmas without visiting Karen’s House. A long-time friend of our families, she’s been a part of my Christmas’s since I was just a tot. Her house is magical. A Christmas Wonderland. And Santa visits there every single year. He even left his boot! We took you there again this year, but this time, you weren’t just sleeping in my arms. No, this year, you ran around her house in a dazed wonder. Your eyes danced and sparkled the entire night and it wasn’t just the reflection of Christmas lights…I could tell you were entranced with the whole sight. But then you saw this train. And I almost missed capturing this moment of sheer elation on your face! I had no idea you’d even notice it, let alone want to stand there and keep watching it pass by. You were so good not to touch it…and really I’m not sure how that’s possible. But you watched until we had to leave. Your little eyes became so heavy even though your heart was light. I saw you trying to convince yourself you could stay awake forever…but since you’d skipped your nap, you crashed in the car almost before daddy could buckle you in…and when we carried you inside to your room, you didn’t wake up. Not for one second. I can only imagine you were dreaming of a sparkly Santa boot, a magical Christmas train, and quite possibly a few sugar plums. I miss being a kid at Christmas…but it sure is fun to re-live those moments watching you.

Christmas Morning and your eyes couldn’t have opened wider! A sparkling tree was in the corner, new books filled the floor and pretty presents were stacked high as the sky. A new riding horse, a huge white bear, and a fluffy white chair sat waiting for you! It was probably too much because you didn’t know which thing you wanted to play with first. This Christmas morning was fun because of how excited you were. You knew things were different in our house and it delighted you! We plopped you up on that horse to take your picture and you cautiously tried to hold on tight as it neighed and swung its tail. But when you tried to look back, you lost your balance and fell off! Into a roll you went and we held our breath…with wet eyes you looked up with the best little grin I’ve ever seen. Certainly we don’t have to teach you about not giving up. Or getting right back “on that horse.” You’ve learned this quite literally.  I couldn’t be more proud of you! Merry Christmas my beautiful boy.

Home-made baby food: $3.27
Diapers, wipes, pacifier, and your Sophie: $27.75
1/4 tank of gas to go to Home Depot: $An arm and a leg
Tile, glue, grout, & hardibacker for Papa’s new bathroom: $146.99
Store-bought baby food from Target (because I managed to leave your entire diaper bag at home and didn’t realize it until we got there): $8.97
Playing Hide-and-seek in the hardware store to keep you entertained without your toys and paci until we could find a place to eat…praying you don’t need a diaper change…while people ask if I’m doing a photo-shoot for “Baby’s 1st trip to Home Depot?”…all before nap-time: PRICELESS

I have waited for this moment for a long time. You. Me. And Daddy. Walking along a totally white & sandy beach–splashing in the ocean, and soaking up the very last rays of sun for the day. This is us. In our happy place.

After an amazingly refreshing thirteen and a half hour sleep last night to recover from our trip, we finally had our first play day back at home. (Oh man THANK you for that sleep!) We tried a new puzzle and I was over-the-top impressed with how quickly you caught on. You have to hold a magnetic fishing pole and line it up with the tacks on the sea animals. So I didn’t really know if you were patient enough to do it. But after two tries, you mastered the “fishing” every time. But not without a victory dance in-between each one. You are so smart, Eli. It’s horrible how much I love you.

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed. – Corita Kent — Today you met Spritz. Trust me: she loves you as much as you love her.

In my mind, our life is picture perfect. Organized, clean, and photo-shoot-ready with white-washed walls, golden sunlight, clean, organized spaces, and perfectly pressed clothing… But let’s face it, this isn’t reality. Daddy and I are so busy during the spring, summer, and fall months with our tree nursery, we spend most days in the dust and mud with clients and then come home to emails and computer work until the wee hours. We love that you are immersed in it all with us every single day, but it’s not all glamorous. There is not place for your to sleep at the nursery really… so I cleared a space on the floor inside a tiny storage room of the old barn. There, it’s pitch black, quiet, and ideal for sleeping since it’s ever so slightly chilly in there. But this is real. And I wasn’t sure you’d even be okay in there at first….but you are. And you nap almost every single day in that small pack-n-play in this room. IN an old barn. And there is a concrete dragon and Buddha statue that peek at you through the mesh of you bed. An antique cast-iron stove with a chair on top peers down at you with a video camera on top. And an old creeping vine that has started growing through the crack of the wooden door that hardly closes from the outside, has almost made it to the edge of the room. Oddly, you love it in there. You say “Bed. Bed. Bed” when it gets close to nap-time. And you kiss me goodnight with the biggest grin so I will lay you down and snuggle you with blankets and your pacis. Today, I counted you sleeping with 6 blankets and you’d gotten yourself so tangled up in them, that I envied how snugly you were. I watch you on a video monitor from a few doors away and carry it with me when I’m doing sales. Sometimes I get funny looks…but every now and then I get a mommy who gives me the most sympathetic smile as she remembers the days she anxiously listened to the monitor to check on her sleeping baby. And suddenly I think about how none of the glamour really matters. The best thing about our lives is you: Dirty tree-nursery feet, happy little napping, freely-giving kissing, blanket-loving you. 

We took a small walk today. I say small because we never walk very long. Your legs are so little still and I know your arm gets tired from being held in the air. But you never let go. And secretly, neither do I.